Would I Survive A Nuke.com

Congratulations! You're dead! You finally accomplished something!
Welp, you're dead. That desk you hid under failed miserably to protect you.
You are more dead than Cory Feldman's career, and thats saying something
Sorry, you died. But at least you’re in a better place now: a mass grave at beautiful Happy Valley Cemetery!
You’re dead, but you’re in good company...alongside the Allman Brothers Band, Circuit City, and Strawberry Blasted Honeycomb!
Your death is excruciatingly painful, horribly long, and sickening to watch...like Thursday nights on NBC.
Even though you’re dead, you still manage to achieve your lifelong goal: slow decomposition!
You do a pretty good re-enactment of Margaret Hamilton's final scene in The Wizard of Oz, but you overdramatize it a bit.
For once, when you say you're blown away by something, you won't be exaggerating.
Although your death is nearly instantaneous, you still have time to croak out half an expletive. Way to stick it to the man!
As your collection of Star Wars action figures (still NIB!) evaporates (a moment before you do), you realize you do have the most toys! Congratulations on your big win!
Isn’t it nice to know that, for one millisecond, you had really smooth skin?
You experience a good quarter-second of pride in all that time you spent on your bucket list. Then you’re gone.
Look on the bright side: your death has motivated you to finally get off the couch and get to work on that afterlife!

So what if your skin melted off? You'll still look good in a turtle neck.
You have a radiant glow, and it is not because you're pregnant.
The only mutant power you are getting is the power to die a long painful death. Yay for radiation sickness!
You survive your horrific burns, but let's just say that high definition photography will NOT be your friend.
Your wounds provide you with a whole new career: as a model for topographic maps!
Congratulations! Your level of radiation exposure qualifies you for a job as a calibrator for Geiger counters!
Now that you’re highly radioactive, you can't wait to see what happens when you bite a spider!
In the short amount of time it takes you to perish, you finally learn not to pick at your scabs, because picking leads to digging, and the next thing you know, you’ve lost a kneecap.
You end up dying from lung tumors from the fallout. Before you go, you develop a short comedy routine about it: "I'm dying from Lesion Air's Disease. Thank you! I'm here all week, hopefully! Try the morphine!"
The bad news: you're going to die soon. The good news: you can finally get rid of that pumice thing in the bathroom.
Despite encroaching death from third-degree burns, you get to experience a rare sense of community and shared pain: you and the rest of doomed band together and pass the time poking holes in each other.

You're burned pretty badly, and not the good type of burn like if you were Sweatin' to the oldies
Ever wondered what it would feel like to be on fire? Well, check that off your list of "Things i want to know before i die"
No smoking! ...unless you're on fire...which you just happen to be. Smokey the bear's message just didn't really sink in with you, did it?
Thanks to your injuries, you get a role in a community theater production of M*A*S*H...as Major Burns!
Your friends now like to sit around you on camping trips, telling ghost stories and roasting marshmallows over your wounds! Thanks, radiation!
As you die over the course of a few weeks, battling a mounting array of terminal conditions, the one thing you really can’t get used to is all those extra toenails.
Since your death approaching, you rapidly try to cross things off your bucket list, but it's hard because your fingers won’t stay on.

You have a serious sunburn. On the bright side, it doesnt look as bad as someone from Jersey Shore.
You sustained burns equal to a really good "Yo mama" joke. Oh snap! Buurrrnnnn.
Are you embrassed or did you just sustain 1^st degree burns from a nuke blast? Im going with the latter.
Your body begins to shut down entirely over the next few weeks, but what makes it seem to take forever is that wifi is down.
You live long enough to regret not voting.

You are fine. You probably live in some godforsaken place like North Dakota.
You're good, but do you really want to live in a world where Glenn Beck actually was right about something for once?
Not dead, but you wish you were because the internet has been knocked out.